“Uh-oh, another tantrum!” is a familiar thought for many parents when their children exhibit challenging behaviours.
The truth is, your once-easily redirected infant is now a toddler, becoming increasingly aware of their surroundings and capable of holding onto thoughts longer. At this developmental stage, children naturally begin to question why things are as they are and test boundaries. Unfortunately, they may not yet grasp the reasons behind adults’ directives.
In Montessori philosophy, we emphasise “freedom within limits,” which involves clearly defining and setting expectations and ground rules. These rules are rooted in three fundamental principles: respect for oneself, respect for others, and respect for the environment.
"As a parent of a 3-year-old who loves to test limits, like jumping over his 7-month-old sister, I've found it crucial to address his behaviour thoughtfully. When he attempts this, I first explain the potential dangers to him. I acknowledge his desire to jump and explore alternative ways for him to do so safely. Additionally, I set clear consequences by informing him that if he continues, I'll separate them to ensure both their safety. When adults perceive toddler behaviour as challenging, it's about striking a balance between their needs and ours. By understanding and redirecting their needs towards meeting parental expectations, we can minimize conflicts. Start by acknowledging their desire while prioritizing safety: 'I see you want to jump, but it's not safe to jump over your sister. Let's find something else you can jump over, like a block or mat.' This approach fosters a cooperative environment while teaching boundaries."
Ms. Karissa’s approach highlights the importance of empathy, clear communication, and proactive management in handling challenging behaviours in toddlers.
With effective strategies, challenging behaviours can be successfully managed and overcome. It’s essential to understand the underlying reasons behind the behaviour, such as a child’s unmet needs, emotions, or developmental stage. By acknowledging these factors and implementing appropriate approaches, parents and caregivers can help guide children towards more positive behaviours.
Strategies to Overcome Challenging Behaviours
Here are a few suggestions for consideration:
- Prevention
- Set aside time to have fun together, this helps your child to bond with you.
- Encourage appropriate specific behaviour (such as recognising positive actions, “I can see that you are sharing your toy”).
- Recognising triggers early on can prevent challenging behaviours from escalating.
- Create a consistent routine as it helps when the child knows what’s coming next.
2. De-Escalate the Situation
- Assure your child that all feelings are valid .
- Understand your child may be emotionally overwhelmed.
- Use limited words.
- Connect before correction.
- Set boundaries with your child.
Co-regulation Strategies
- Assure your child that it’s not a time-out.
- Help your child to become calm.
- Bring your child to their safe space that makes them feel good.
What’s a Safe Space?
A safe space is a dedicated spot for your child which brings them a sense of calmness and security. They often see it as their personal retreat, especially when feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated in certain situations. This space serves as a safe haven where they can retreat, regroup, and manage their emotions, helping them regain control and feel more at ease.
Ideas for Safe Spaces
- Auditory (calm music, musical box)
- Lighting options (fairy lights, small flashlight)
- Basket of items (fidget toys, pop-its, kaleidoscope)
3. Tackle the Meltdown (with BREATHE)
- Be clear with limits set and guide your child’s behaviour by telling them what to do instead of what not to do
- Handle physical outbursts from your child calmly and with gentle restraint rather than reacting impulsively. This approach helps maintain boundaries effectively, demonstrating that while the behaviour is not acceptable, they are not being punished.
- Remember to communicate clearly that certain behaviours, like physical outbursts, are not tolerated while ensuring the child feels safe and understood. This method encourages positive discipline and reinforces appropriate behaviour.
- Easy and clear instructions for your child to follow if they decide to communicate.
- Allow your child an alternative option in a challenging situation, allowing them to make their own choice.
- Together, or if your child is not willing, demonstrate an example of the desired behaviour. This helps to make them feel less isolated and overwhelmed, showing them that what they were asked to do is not scary or bad.
- Hug! Positive physical connection is calming for young children. Be sure to not force the hug. Allowing them to calm down puts the child back in control of their emotion. You will find the hug helps to slow your child’s heart rate and breathing, enabling your child to calm down.
- End with recognising your child’s positive behaviour and tell them!
By combining these strategies, you can effectively manage your child’s challenging behaviours while promoting emotional regulation and positive interactions.
In handling challenging behaviours from your child, it’s important to find a balance that meets both their needs and yours. Always acknowledge your child’s feelings and provide them with perspective to understand your viewpoint. Reassure them of your love and support. This creates a secure bond and reinforces that you’re always there for them. Remember to take a deep breath in these moments.
At House on the Hill, we teach children to respect boundaries while encouraging their independence. Our teachers are trained to guide children through understanding expectations—what’s appropriate, when it’s suitable, and where it’s acceptable. For instance, we explain that we wear a cardigan or jacket when we’re cold, not just because we want to. Consistent guidance helps toddlers develop self-discipline and respect for rules. As they internalize these concepts, they gain greater control over their behaviour.
References
- Montessori Academy. (2017, February 8). Freedom within limits in Montessori Education. Ret Montessori Academy. (8 February, 2017). Freedom within limits in Montessori Education. Retrieved from Montessori Academy: https://montessoriacademy.com.au/montessori-freedom-within-limits/
- Lillard, P., & Jessen, L. (2003). The Developing Will. In P. P. Lillard, & L. L. Jessen, Montessori From The Start (pp. 197-242). New York: Schocken Books.
- (26 February, 2020). Freedom Within Limits. Retrieved from Montessori in Real Life!: https://www.montessoriinreallife.com/home/2020/2/25/freedom-within-limits
- Canadian Child Care Federation. (n.d.). Tips for Parenting Children with Challenging Behaviour. Retrieved from The Canadian Child Care Federation: Your ELCC Community: https://cccf-fcsge.ca/ece-resources/topics/challenging-child-behaviours-stress/tips-parenting-children-challenging-behaviour/
- @jothemama, J. K. (18 June, 2021). How to be a gentle parent without letting your children walk all over you [Instagram IGTV]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/tv/CQOxd9HjgUJ/?utm_medium=copy_link
- Featured Photo: “Tantrum” by Chirag Rathod
