Parenting 4 | House on the Hill

Social/Cultural Upbringing in Montessori

The HotH Team June 2022

“Within the child lies the fate of the future.“ – Dr. Maria Montessori We are a proud Montessori school and hold fiercely to the tenets of the Montessori Method, as laid out by Dr. Maria Montessori. A central and core component of our schools’ curriculum is the social and cultural curriculum. We encourage kindness and respect, building an understanding of harmonious living amongst our students, which we hope they will take to heart and carry on as they develop into adults. Every experience is thought through and purposeful. In their daily activities and interactions, our children develop social and emotional awareness as they relate to their classmates, teachers, and surroundings. Children learn the world they live in and the various cultures through subjects that include science, zoology, geography, history and art. In their mixed-age classrooms, children experience mutual learning opportunities and collaboration. Through daily interactions and group activities, our students develop social skills necessary to relate and participate in a harmonious society. It is our belief and hope that in helping to set this fundamental foundation for our children, we have set wheels in motion. They start to learn self-awareness and awareness of their surroundings. This helps eases difficult transitions and inculcates a sense of confidence and comfort as they age and develop. Social Development the Montessori Way Humans, by natural design, are social creatures. In the real-life world, interactions with others occur regardless of differences amongst us (e.g. race, religion, age). A Montessori classroom of different age-groups seeks to mirror this. Mixed-aged grouping is a classic part of a Montessori curriculum. Montessori pedagogy believes in peer-learning through mixed-aged grouping as it avoids competition amongst them and promotes a healthier learning adventure. Every day in class, the children develop the social skills necessary to relate and participate in a harmonious society. In a class of different ages and skills, the older children become more sensitive to the younger children’s needs and through their own, personal experiences, can predict and help problem-solve the challenges a younger child might currently go through. It is often common in our schools to see an older child wiping tears off a younger child’s face and holding their hands to calm them down! On the other hand, younger children feel less ‘pressured’ in a new environment – especially for new additions to the class. We see that the younger ones have trust and support in, relying on the older children for guidance. This mimics the siblings-at-home relationship, and we have seen many interactions where the younger children are inspired by the older ones, who in turn ‘lead’ play and lead the way. Having the experience of being helped, and admiring or looking towards the older kids for inspiration imparts confidence and a sense of security in the younger children. We also encourage them to see that one day, they too, will be older and can pay it forward to other newer, younger children. Cultural Development the Montessori Way Cultural lessons/experiences enliven a child’s understanding of the very much adult world around them, and helps them make sense of it through their discoveries. Admittedly, the Cultural exploration in Montessori curriculum is very broad in content, but it does tend to be quite specific in its intent. Typical topics such as Botany and Zoology are well-received by children of various ages as they tend to be worlds that children experience in a daily sense and therefore can relate. Experiences such as observing caterpillars morphing into butterflies, growing seeds into edibles, rearing stick insects or even nursing injured birds back to health give children concrete and tactile understanding of the essential needs in life. They develop emotional depth as love and care naturally pours out while taking care of the animals and plants, as well as a deep-rooted understanding of one’s sense of self. Travelling to different parts of the world at a much younger age is common for many of our students. Deeper and more complex topics such as History and Geography – just to name a few – makes sense as well. Going through the puzzle maps of the countries of the world helps them relate to their travels and to the different countries they’ve been. The act of the Montessori birthday walk tracks and marks a child’s year in life in a simple but essential history lesson. It drives a child to understand how ‘much’ they have grown. This in turn, helps them to make that connection to the milestones they have gone through to get to where they are currently. It helps to facilitate a lifetime habit of pausing, self-reflection and acknowledgement of growth. Comments such as “I was so small and could only cry!” or “I could only crawl then!” are common throughout birthday walks and mark a child’s understanding of their physical and emotional growth. It is a natural inclination for people to seek connections through their experiences, especially with young children. The cultural concepts taught through the Montessori pedagogy aim to help children connect and make sense of the world through their own discoveries and experimental journeys.

Helping Children To Be More Independent At Home

The HotH Team May 2022

“Independence is an ongoing and organic process. As a child learns to pour water, put on his/her shoes, or clean his/her workspace, he or she becomes a more confident, independent individual which will lead to ongoing benefits throughout life.” – Dr. Maria Montessori A lot of parents are amazed at what their children can do in school. At House On The Hill, our children have the freedom to follow their instincts and choose the activities that call to them, developing their independence. Having seen how they are in school, some parents have asked me “why is my child not doing things on her/his own at home?”, “how do I let my child be a little more independent at home?”, “why is my child not doing anything by him/herself at home?”, or “they are always making a mess when they do things on their own”. Baby steps need to be taken to foster independence in children. The Montessori Method promotes independence by giving a child the ability to make their own choices, providing gentle guidance and allowing them to learn at their own pace. To share my personal experience; I’m a parent to 2 girls. I started with simple tasks in their daily routine at home to encourage independence, such as putting their clothes away in the laundry basket, wiping their eating mat after mealtime, putting their shoes away, packing up their toys after playtime, self–feeding during mealtime…etc. It took some time, and mess (part of the learning process) for them to be confident enough to tell me that “I can do it”. Once they were comfortable with these simple tasks at home, they started to approach me to help out with my chores. I realised that they wanted to learn how to complete more challenging tasks. So I began to let them help out by completing tasks like making their beds after waking up, folding and keeping the laundry away, sweeping their bedroom etc. Most of the time, my first child finds joy in doing all these by herself and often comes to me to say “Can I help you a little more?” with a cheeky smile. My younger one looks up to her sister and will follow what her elder sister does at home. Getting them involved in chores also allows me to have a little bonding session! I believe that encouraging independence in children can start from a very young age, it helps them to be confident and makes them happy when they can do things on their own. Also, an independent child means that you have fewer tasks on your plate! Here are some tried-and-tested recommendations from me to nurture independence at home, based on my personal experience: Tips for fostering independence at home: Learn to let go (trust your child!) The first step in getting your children to be more independent is for you to stop doing everything for them. Instead of doing it for them, show them how to do it. Let go, and you will be amazed by what your child can do! Build in extra time Children take time to complete a task on their own, especially in the initial stage. Building in extra time keeps the pressure off you and also allows children to have enough time to learn at their own pace. Don’t strive for perfection We don’t want them to be afraid of making mistakes. Letting children learn from their mistakes helps build resilience and is essential to raising a confident and happy child. Allowing them to struggle and sometimes fail, allows them to develop important social and emotional skills. Applauding their effort Giving your child positive feedback when they complete a task and appreciating their effort works wonders in promoting their confidence! Provide choices Allow your child to make choices and decide on things they want to do themselves. Giving choices within parameters provides children with safe boundaries within which they can practise doing things for themselves. Letting your child develop independence can be challenging for parents but it is very rewarding. There are so many ways to prepare your child for independence and it should be a gradual process from a young age. “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” – Dr. Maria Montessori.

Six Essential Skills for Children’s Positive Development

The HotH Team January 2022

How the Montessori approach nurtures confident, curious, and compassionate young learners. When people think of Montessori, they often picture specific classroom materials — pink towers, sandpaper letters, or bead chains. But Montessori is far more than the tools we use. At its heart, it’s a philosophy and a way of seeing each child as a unique individual with limitless potential. Our educators are guided by this philosophy to create meaningful, holistic experiences that spark curiosity, engage the senses, and nurture the whole child — emotionally, creatively, socially, and academically. We believe that academic learning is just one piece of a bigger picture, a tool that supports social and emotional growth. At House on the Hill, our Montessori-led curriculum focuses on six essential skills that form the foundation for positive development. By nurturing these, our children become confident, joyful, and independent learners with a lifelong love of discovery. 1. The child as a spontaneous observer of nature “Only through freedom and environmental experience is it practically possible for human development to occur.” – Dr Maria Montessori Children are naturally drawn to the wonders of the outdoors. At House on the Hill, we bring children into nature — and bring nature into their daily lives. From tending potted plants made from recycled bottles to watering flowers with their own small cans, children learn to observe, care for, and appreciate their environment. Time in nature isn’t just peaceful — it’s essential. It supports physical health, emotional well-being, problem-solving, and environmental responsibility. Whether it’s a botany lesson in the classroom or exploring the playground’s greenery, these moments build a deep, lasting connection to the natural world. For example, we set flower pots made of recycled bottles all around our compounds. The children never forget to water the plants with their little watering cans. Very often, we notice that they are silent and peaceful, completely absorbed in contemplation. We use our time in nature to encourage a connection to it. We discuss how to care for it and how to be environmentally responsible. 2. The child as a lover of all living beings “Children have an anxious concern for living beings, and the satisfaction of this instinct fills them with delight.” – Dr Maria Montessori All children have an innate concern for living beings, and the satisfaction of this instinct fills them with delight. They are filled with feelings of tenderness and enthusiasm, and the desire to care for these beings. From fluffy hamsters to tiny stick insects, caring for class pets is a favourite activity at HotH. Looking after animals teaches responsibility, empathy, and respect — values that will serve children for life. Feeding a terrapin, cleaning a hamster’s cage, or offering fresh mulberry leaves to stick insects helps children develop compassion and social awareness. They learn to notice needs, offer help, and build bonds — skills that support healthy relationships and emotional intelligence from a young age. These skills help to guide our emotions and feel empathy, as well as build healthy relationships. It helps children to recognise if someone is sad, and ask if they are okay; helps them with understanding their thoughts and feelings, and develops their ability to relate to others. *Do note that all child-animal interactions are supervised. 3. The child as an explorer of endless discoveries “We especially need imagination in science. It is not all mathematics, nor all logic, but it is somewhat beauty and poetry”. – Dr Maria Montessori Children love to experiment independently. We use activities such as engaging in hands-on science activities to develop curiosity, observation and focus, as well as the cognitive skills of sorting, learning to classify and motor skill development. When children engage freely in science activities, they begin to realise that some experiments will work while others do not. This is a critical learning process. A child who is constantly testing new objects may be ready to move on to a more challenging task. Trial and error are important when learning science. In the picture, the child is observing diligently, focusing on the experiment that she has just conducted. What worked? What didn’t work? How could I do it differently next time? The world is a fascinating place, and we want our students to hone and maintain a sense of curiosity, learning step-by-step ways to play, discover, explore, and conquer! 4. The child as an advocate of cultural diversity “Culture and education have no bounds or limits.” – Dr Maria Montessori The Montessori curriculum supports an understanding of the cultural diversity of the world. One of the ways we support this is when we observe festivals of the diverse cultural practices of those who make our community. Instead of beginning with a particular festive celebration, we build on the children’s imaginative powers and begin the lesson with stories that explore the traditions and practices of the individual ethnic group. These stories create a framework of detailed information, and extend into more specific lessons of explorations and research. It is our priority to support cultural diversity, by exposing the children to as many other cultures and practices as possible. Here in this Lunar New Year observance (photo above), the teacher guides the children by giving presentations that demonstrate how to use the activities. The children engage with them based on the work that meets their individual ability level. For such observances, the children will sing songs, taste the foods and experience different aspects of the festivities. We will usually invite students celebrating the festival to share about their experiences, and very often, parents will contribute with homemade food or a related item. We hope that we’ll be able to invite parents back into school to share in person soon! This broad range of activities increases each child’s experiences of, and respect for, diversity. 5. The child as an active body “Movement helps the development of the mind, and this finds renewed expression in further movement and activity”. – Maria Montessori. Much focus is given in the areas of fine motor that

How to Handle Your Toddler’s Challenging Behaviour

The HotH Team September 2021

“Oh no, my child is throwing a tantrum again!” This is what runs through the mind of many parents when their children display behaviours which are difficult to cope with. Understanding Your Toddler’s Growing Awareness The thing is, your little baby is no longer an infant whom you can redirect their misguided behaviours easily. They are now toddlers who are beginning to gain consciousness of their surroundings and possess the capability of holding their thoughts for a longer period. At this stage in their development, young children will begin to seek out the reasons for why things are the way they are and will start to test the limits. Unfortunately for parents, children at this age haven’t acquired the ability to understand why adults are saying ‘no’ to them yet! Guiding Behaviour with ‘What, When, and Where At House on the Hill, our teachers are trained to intervene and create opportunities to teach our young ones the “What, When, and Where” expectation. These expectations lead the child to understand that we do things at the right place and time. For example, we do not wear a cardigan or jacket just because we like it, but that the outfit is worn when we feel cold and are not able to manipulate the temperature. With consistent guidance in the order of “what, when, and where”, experiencing limits and order develop the toddler’s will. When this is internalised, the toddler will have the capability to control their behaviour. 4 Beautiful Locations Islandwide At House on the Hill, we strive to embody the true Montessori method and philosophy in every lesson and activity. Book A Tour The Montessori Approach: Freedom within Limits ‘Freedom within limits’ is a common term used in Montessori, advocating for defining and setting clear expectations and ground rules. Ground rules stem from three basic ground rules – Respect for oneself, Respect for others, and Respect for the environment. In school, we encourage children to respect the rules of their freedom. To share my personal experience; I’m a parent to a 3-year-old child who constantly tests the limits, such as jumping over his 7-month-old sister. When this happens, I will remind him of the possible dangerous outcomes of jumping over her. At this point, I will recognise his need to jump and at the same time exploring alternative options with him to do so in a safe environment. Lastly, I will also set the consequence with him to say that if he continues to jump over her, I will proceed to separate them by moving him away from his sister or moving his sister to a safer environment. When adults view toddler’s behaviour as challenging, it is always about finding the right balance between the children’s and parent’s needs. By recognizing the children’s needs and redirecting it to meet parents’ needs, we begin to reduce the power struggles between adults and toddlers. Start by recognising his needs by saying, “I see that you want to jump but jumping over your sister is not safe. I need to keep you both safe.” Then suggest alternatives for him or we can even get him to provide the suggestions, “Let’s get a block or mat and you can jump over that instead.” Hence, with appropriate strategies, challenging behaviours can be overcome! Here are a few suggestions for consideration: Prevention Set aside time to have fun together, this helps your child to bond with you. Encourage appropriate specific behaviour (such as recognising positive actions, “I can see that you are sharing your toy”). Identifying triggers at an early stage can head off challenging behaviours. Create consistent routines. It helps when the child knows what’s coming next. Tackling the meltdown (with BREATHE) Be clear with limits set and guide your child’s behaviour by telling them what to do instead of what not to do. Restrain the child physically gently but firmly instead of reacting to physical outbursts from your child. It is good to maintain the boundary set to show that the child is not being punished but that the behaviour will not be tolerated. Easy and clear instructions for the child to follow if they decide to communicate. Allow an alternative to the situation but it is the child’s choice. Together, or if child is not willing, then demonstrate an example for the desired behaviour. This helps to makes them feel less isolated and overwhelmed, showing them that what they were asked to do is not scary or bad. Hug! Positive physical connection is grounding and calming for young children. Be sure to not force the hug. Allowing them to calm down puts the child back in control of their emotion. You will find the hug helps to slow your child’s heart rate and breathing, enabling the child to calm down. End with a recognition of the child’s positive behaviour! Do try these strategies in situations when you encounter your child displaying challenging behaviours that you have difficulty finding the right balance to meet both adult’s and child’s needs. Remember to always give the acknowledgement for children’s needs and providing them the perspective to understand the viewpoint of the adult’s. And of course always let the children know that mummy and daddy love them, to give the children the security and bond that parents are always here for them. . Remember to BREATHE! Works Cited Montessori Academy. (2017, February 8). Freedom within limits in Montessori Education. Ret Montessori Academy. (8 February, 2017). Freedom within limits in Montessori Education. Retrieved from Montessori Academy: https://montessoriacademy.com.au/montessori-freedom-within-limits/ Lillard, P., & Jessen, L. (2003). The Developing Will. In P. P. Lillard, & L. L. Jessen, Montessori From The Start (pp. 197-242). New York: Schocken Books. Theresa. (26 February, 2020). Freedom Within Limits. Retrieved from Montessori in Real Life!: https://www.montessoriinreallife.com/home/2020/2/25/freedom-within-limits Canadian Child Care Federation. (n.d.). Tips for Parenting Children with Challenging Behaviour. Retrieved from The Canadian Child Care Federation: Your ELCC Community: https://cccf-fcsge.ca/ece-resources/topics/challenging-child-behaviours-stress/tips-parenting-children-challenging-behaviour/ @jothemama, J. K. (18 June, 2021). How to be a gentle parent without letting your children walk all over you [Instagram IGTV]. Retrieved

Separation Anxiety- How to survive a drop off?

The HotH Team June 2021

Separation Anxiety is developmentally normal and a phase that children go through at different ages and stages of their development. Having separation anxiety is part of growing up and is a crucial stage in a child’s development. In fact, it isn’t just children alone who experience this, parents may also face separation anxiety when they first send their child to school. 4 Beautiful Locations Islandwide At House on the Hill, we strive to embody the true Montessori method and philosophy in every lesson and activity. Book A Tour What is Separation Anxiety? Farewells can be tough, whether you are dropping your child off at the childcare or leaving him/her home with someone. At this stage, your toddler understands object permanence, an idea that continues to exist when it cannot be seen or heard, for example, daddy and mummy. However, toddlers are unable to comprehend the concept of time. Leaving your toddler in a bedroom for a few minutes or with a babysitter for a few hours feels like the same amount of time for them. This can be scary as toddlers believe their survival is dependent on having a primary caregiver close by. What are some Separation Anxiety Symptoms? Separation anxiety is typically most prevalent in toddlers between 8 to 18 months. Symptoms usually begin when a caregiver is departing. Children may cling, throw a tantrum, or resist other caregivers in an attempt to convince the parent not to leave. They may also show signs of fear and restlessness when a parent is in another room, when he is left alone at bedtime, or when being dropped off at day-care. The outbursts usually subside once the caregiver is out of view. This anxiety serves to keep the child close to the caregiver, who is their source of love and safety. How to reassure your child and help with easier transitions? Here are a few tips on how to reassure your child. Preparation for school 1. Be positive and encouraging when speaking about school to your child. 2. Encourage your child to prepare their items ready for school. Example, choosing their schoolbag and putting water bottle in their bag. Examples of child with comfort object in school 3. Bring along a comfort object of your child to the school as security comfort. Examples of objects are soft toys or books. 4. Speak to them about school during the journey to school, the fun things they do and their friends. 5. Remind your child who they will be seeing in school. (Teachers, friends etc.) 6. Remind your child on the exciting things that they will be learning. (Reading, writing, Numeracy, exploring their world etc.) Ready for school / After School 7. Say a proper goodbye to your child at the school drop off area. (Keep reading for tips on how to say goodbye) Getting cuddles and a story from his teacher during a moment of anxiety 8. Ask about their day from their teachers so you can reinforce positive happy memories with them. 9. Remind your child of the happy occasions at school. If your child is finding it difficult to integrate, consider arranging some playdates outside of school. Playdates offer your child a chance to develop relationships with one or two special friends in a play-based environment. How to say goodbye? Saying goodbye to daddy in the morning and getting his comfort object 1. A hug, a kiss and a reminder that mum/dad will be there to pick them up at the end of the day or session and then walk away! 2. Sometimes a special handshake or special ritual (see you later, alligator) or even a special kiss. 3. If your child is crying, remain positive and calm. Often, a teacher will feedback that the child stopped crying only a minute later. Rest assured separation anxiety is a normal part of development and will disappear over time. Every child is unique and there is no fixed time frame for when separation anxiety appears or disappears. It may even take a few months for a child’s anxiety to dissipate, so be prepared for regression, especially when routines change because of a vacation, illness, or a move. Just remember, when you trust the teachers and leave your child in the good hands of the teachers in school, your child will be able to feel the same way too!

Toilet Training – It’s easy when your child is ready

The HotH Team March 2021

“Learning to use the toilet is a natural process that begins when your child’s desire to be grown up and his neurological development have reached the point where he can control his bladder and bowels. We don’t train children to use the toilet, we support them when they are ready.” – How to Raise an Amazing Child: The Montessori Way to bring up caring confident children. by Tim Seldin 4 Beautiful Locations Islandwide At House on the Hill, we strive to embody the true Montessori method and philosophy in every lesson and activity. Book A Tour Toilet training is part of the growing up process. It is an important stage in a child’s development. There are many theories and research that associate toilet training with a later stage in a child’s life. Many parents often face a dilemma or pressure in deciding when to start this process. When is a good time? There is no definite time or guide for when this will come. It differs from every child, siblings or even twins. Toilet Training Readiness: How to Spot the Signs in Your Child When it comes to toilet training, it’s essential to prioritise your child’s readiness and comfort. Look for signs such as diapers staying dry for more extended periods, indicating their readiness for the transition. Remember, it should be a natural, gradual process—never force it if your child isn’t ready. Let go of any pressure to meet specific age milestones; every child develops at their own pace. Each child is a unique individual, and respecting their individual journey is the key to successful toilet training. Pre-Toilet Training During diaper changing, take the opportunity to have a conversation with your child about their bodily functions. Normalise the idea that using the toilet is a natural process for everyone to eliminate waste that the body doesn’t need. Some parents may feel comfortable allowing your child to observe and learn from how adults use the toilet. By openly discussing and demonstrating these routines, you’re helping your child understand and become familiar with the concept of using the toilet at their own pace. The key is communication. Encourage your child to use words or show hand signs to indicate his or her needs to use the toilet. Be consistent in the language use for your child to express their needs – like pee, poo, passing urine or passing motion. It is best to share this consistency with other caregivers or teachers looking after your child’s needs. Some children may tell you before they do it and some may tell you after they are done. Observe their facial expressions and look out for the frequency and timing to be more aware of your child’s toileting needs. This will help you to proceed to the next step… Set a routine:Incorporate toileting into your child’s routine based on the frequency and timing you’ve observed. For instance, consider times such as after waking up in the morning, before and after going out, before and after meals or naps, etc. Instead of asking a question like “Do you want to go to the toilet?”, inform the child with a statement like “It’s time to use the toilet.” This approach reduces the chance of rejection and empowers the child to recognize the need to use the toilet. You can also use an alarm clock set at regular intervals to remind them, saying, “The clock says it’s time to use the toilet.” As your child becomes more aware of their toileting needs, they may decline and say, “No, I don’t need to go.” Respect their decision and never force them to use the toilet or potty. If the child is engaged in an activity, such as fixing a puzzle, wait until they have finished before suggesting toileting. Avoid interrupting them during tasks to ensure they feel comfortable and in control of the process. Tips to Facilitate Independence Promoting independence in toileting can significantly boost a child’s confidence and emotional stability, especially during the crucial developmental stage of 1 to 3 years old when they begin to assert autonomy. Here are some strategies to facilitate independence in toileting: Use a stool with a handle and a child-sized toilet seat to allow them to safely climb up and sit on the toilet bowl by themselves. This empowers them to take charge of their toileting routine. Place the potty in the bathroom rather than moving it around the house. This helps reinforce the concept that toileting is to be done in the premises of the toilet. Opt for pull-up diapers instead of those with straps. Teach them how to pull up and down their diapers, gradually transitioning to training pants or underwear as they become more proficient in toileting and dressing themselves. Choose clothing that facilitates self-management, such as elastic-waist trousers, to empower them to dress and undress independently. Consider using training pants to allow the child to feel the wetness sensation, fostering awareness and discomfort when the diaper is wet. This encourages them to strive for dryness and control over longer periods, instilling a sense of accomplishment and self-reliance. By providing the tools and opportunities for independence in toileting, we can support children in developing essential life skills and nurturing their emotional well-being. What If They Wet Themselves? It’s important to accept that accidents are a normal part of the learning process for children. While it’s natural for adults to feel frustrated, especially when cleaning up messes, staying calm and reassuring your child is key. Avoid making them feel ashamed and simply state the facts, such as “I see you are wet. Let’s go get some dry clothes.” Assist your child if needed or if they are feeling overwhelmed. Empower them to decide on their next change of clothes, allowing them to maintain a sense of control over the situation. Let them change at their own pace, respecting their autonomy. Parents should also learn to control their emotions and avoid making a big deal out of the situation. Remaining calm and supportive will help foster a positive attitude towards toileting and encourage your child’s confidence

“Naughty” isn’t in our Vocabulary

The HotH Team August 2020

4 Beautiful Locations Islandwide At House on the Hill, we strive to embody the true Montessori method and philosophy in every lesson and activity. Book A Tour There are many words you won’t hear in a Montessori classroom, including “naughty.” By labelling behaviour– or worse, children– we can lose sight of the causes and nuances behind that behaviour, missing an opportunity to approach it with creativity and empathy. At House on the Hill, Montessori principles guide us in addressing challenging behaviours, always starting by understanding the child: 1. Children are not “naughty” or “bad”. Children are learning! As they move through the world they are trying to learn for themselves what is right and wrong, they are testing the limits, and they are experimenting with gravity as they throw your precious plates to the ground. This does not mean that their behaviour is not incredibly frustrating, it just means we have to work hard to overcome our frustration, understand their behaviour, and find solutions 2. Challenging behaviour needs connection, not separation. Time outs separate a child in need from their source of support and guidance. Sometimes as parents or teachers we might feel the need to step back and catch our breath during a tense situation with a child, but that is because we are adults who have learned to regulate our own emotions. Children of this age need help learning this skill, and we shouldn’t punish them or separate them when they need help the most: if they are having a tantrum or are struggling to follow classroom rules. 3. The goal is self-discipline, not obedience. Many discipline philosophies use charts and rewards to get children to obey. Dr. Montessori taught us that children do not benefit from relying on praise in their work, and the same principle applies to their behaviour. Children are capable of self-discipline in which they monitor and adjust their own behaviour to fit the rules of the classroom or home. 4. Observation is the key to understanding behaviour. When we notice bad behaviour our first step should be to observe and ask more questions, not to jump to a conclusion and a punishment. We should ask ourselves: a. Are their basic needs met? Hungry, sleepy, or need-to-go-potty children feel quite uncomfortable, and before they learn to take care of their bodies this discomfort can lead to behaviours that we might find quite frustrating (not sitting still, whining, not listening, bothering their friends). We should help them meet these needs and look for patterns of hunger and sleepiness so we can prevent the behaviour in the future. b. What are they trying to do? A big part of our work is teaching children appropriate ways to get someone’s attention or which materials they can use to fulfil their sensory curiosity. Sometimes a bad behaviour can be transformed once the child has a better way of reaching their goal. c. How can I prevent this behaviour? Consider small tweaks in the child’s schedule to get them home before they are too tired, or shift the furniture in their environment so they cannot run through the house at full speed. These guiding principles shape how we interact with children and correct inappropriate behaviour. When our own emotions are running high it can be difficult to think about what is best for the child, and we should always begin by calming ourselves down first. One way to remain calm is to have a plan. Use our tips about these common behavioural issues to help you plan: 1. Repeated rule breaking: When a child repeatedly breaks the same rule ask yourself if you’ve done these things: Explain to the child why the rule exists in practical and understandable words. “We don’t leave our toys on the stairs because we could trip and hurt ourselves.” Set up a natural, related, and enforceable consequence to breaking the rules. For example, when children wear their muddy shoes in the house they have to help mop and sweep up their mess. Soon they’ll remember to take off their shoes! 2. Tantrums: the best tantrum is the one that does not happen, but even when they cannot be prevented don’t panic! Prevent as much as possible by knowing your child’s triggers, being empathetic, and redirecting them. If they tend to melt down when they get hungry at 3 p.m., pack snacks for school pick up. If they are getting upset, get on their level and label their emotions for them; they’ll feel more understood when you say “You’re angry because you can’t go to the playground right now.” And if possible, redirect them to another outlet; “I can’t let you run through the grocery store right now but I will time you for 1 minute as you run in place.” When tantrums do occur, be with your child and help them regulate their emotions. Cuddles or telling them that you’re there when they are ready let them know that you are not abandoning them, even at their worst. You could consider having a calm corner where you go together to do breathing or colouring. Once they are calm, help them make amends where necessary– apologising to the sibling they hurt, or cleaning up the mess they made– and then move on. 3. Defiance: “no” is a fun word to say, but not fun to negotiate when you need to get out the door and to that appointment on time. We all– children and adults alike– have days when we do not want to do what we are supposed to. When your child refuses to put away their toys, try to be empathetic. “I know you want to keep playing, sometimes I don’t want to stop my work either.” In Montessori we value giving children freedom within limits and choice. Consider giving an option, “you can clean up now or in 5 minutes.” Be clear about what the limits of their freedom are, “toys must be kept nicely when time is up. You can

Keep Up The Good Encouragement!

The HotH Team January 2020

If you listen long enough in a Montessori classroom you’ll be surprised by the phrases that you don’t hear. Good job! Your work is beautiful! Clever girl! These are positive sayings, right? Everyone likes to receive praise! These common praises often slip out of our mouths before we have a chance to pause and think if there is a better alternative to praise, such as encouragement. In our Montessori practice we use encouragement, not praise, to build healthy self-esteem and habits in our children. Praise is the expression of approval or admiration, and it often feels like the natural response that we should use when we are talking to our children. As adults we know that praise can feel good, and as parents and teachers we want to support good behavior in our children and tell them how we feel. Praise can sound like I love it, you’re so helpful, you deserve a reward, you know what makes me proud, you’re such a good girl! In the moment everyone feels great hearing and saying these praises, but long term they are not beneficial to your child. Children find intrinsic joy in their work, and we avoid praising the child to prevent them from doing activities only for our acknowledgment. If we remove the external reward of praise we want our children to continue their effort and work. Additionally, praise can inadvertently put a lot of pressure on children by setting standards they feel they need to live up to. If we say you’re so good at math! they may be hesitant later on to try more advanced work in fear that they will not be able to live up to this standard anymore and let us down. Instead of praise, we use encouragement. Encouragement focuses on the process, not the product. So we may say I saw you working hard. Hearing a parent or teacher take note of their effort encourages children to continue that behavior, without the pressure of creating a perfect product. Encouragement is also descriptive and specific, not evaluative. Instead of saying that is a beautiful picture, we can say I see you used a green crayon in this picture. Can you tell me more? We can take note of their work and place sincere interest in it without evaluating or judging it, and in doing so the child can form their own opinion and be proud of their process without needing the validation of another person. Dr Maria Montessori said that “prize and punishments are incentives toward unnatural or forced effort.” We can think of praise as a prize that externally incentivizes behavior, when in fact children already have the internal motivation to work and explore independently. Our job, then, is to encourage this process without praise or punishment. In the Montessori classroom materials aid in this process; Montessori materials have a control of error that allows the child to determine for themselves if the action is correct. Encouraging words are empowering to children, reassuring them that they have our support, but more importantly that they are capable and independent. The hardest part is breaking the habit of using praise; they are phrases that we do not think twice about using, and saying a descriptive phrase about the process and not the product can feel rather awkward at first. A great place to start is with the phrase You did it! From there you can describe what you saw your children doing– you did it! I saw you worked hard until you got it just how you wanted it. When you child asks if you like the drawing, or if you are proud of them, it is a great opportunity to turn the question around back to them. How do you feel about it? Can you tell me more about what you have done? Are you proud of yourself? Ultimately our goal is to raise our children in an environment where they feel safe, loved unconditionally, and supported in their efforts, and small changes of phrase can go a long way in creating that environment.

Category: Parenting