“Learning to use the toilet is a natural process that begins when your child’s desire to be grown up and his neurological development have reached the point where he can control his bladder and bowels. We don’t train children to use the toilet, we support them when they are ready.” - How to Raise an Amazing Child: The Montessori Way to bring up caring confident children.
by Tim Seldin
4 Beautiful Locations Islandwide
Toilet training is part of the growing up process. It is an important stage in a child’s development. There are many theories and research that associate toilet training with a later stage in a child’s life.
Many parents often face a dilemma or pressure in deciding when to start this process. When is a good time? There is no definite time or guide for when this will come. It differs from every child, siblings or even twins.
Toilet Training Readiness: How to Spot the Signs in Your Child
When it comes to toilet training, it’s essential to prioritise your child’s readiness and comfort. Look for signs such as diapers staying dry for more extended periods, indicating their readiness for the transition. Remember, it should be a natural, gradual process—never force it if your child isn’t ready. Let go of any pressure to meet specific age milestones; every child develops at their own pace.
Pre-Toilet Training
During diaper changing, take the opportunity to have a conversation with your child about their bodily functions. Normalise the idea that using the toilet is a natural process for everyone to eliminate waste that the body doesn’t need. Some parents may feel comfortable allowing your child to observe and learn from how adults use the toilet. By openly discussing and demonstrating these routines, you’re helping your child understand and become familiar with the concept of using the toilet at their own pace.
- The key is communication. Encourage your child to use words or show hand signs to indicate his or her needs to use the toilet. Be consistent in the language use for your child to express their needs – like pee, poo, passing urine or passing motion. It is best to share this consistency with other caregivers or teachers looking after your child’s needs. Some children may tell you before they do it and some may tell you after they are done. Observe their facial expressions and look out for the frequency and timing to be more aware of your child’s toileting needs. This will help you to proceed to the next step…
- Set a routine:
Incorporate toileting into your child’s routine based on the frequency and timing you’ve observed. For instance, consider times such as after waking up in the morning, before and after going out, before and after meals or naps, etc. Instead of asking a question like “Do you want to go to the toilet?”, inform the child with a statement like “It’s time to use the toilet.” This approach reduces the chance of rejection and empowers the child to recognize the need to use the toilet. You can also use an alarm clock set at regular intervals to remind them, saying, “The clock says it’s time to use the toilet.”
As your child becomes more aware of their toileting needs, they may decline and say, “No, I don’t need to go.” Respect their decision and never force them to use the toilet or potty. If the child is engaged in an activity, such as fixing a puzzle, wait until they have finished before suggesting toileting. Avoid interrupting them during tasks to ensure they feel comfortable and in control of the process.
Tips to Facilitate Independence
Promoting independence in toileting can significantly boost a child’s confidence and emotional stability, especially during the crucial developmental stage of 1 to 3 years old when they begin to assert autonomy. Here are some strategies to facilitate independence in toileting:
Use a stool with a handle and a child-sized toilet seat to allow them to safely climb up and sit on the toilet bowl by themselves. This empowers them to take charge of their toileting routine.
Place the potty in the bathroom rather than moving it around the house. This helps reinforce the concept that toileting is to be done in the premises of the toilet.
Opt for pull-up diapers instead of those with straps. Teach them how to pull up and down their diapers, gradually transitioning to training pants or underwear as they become more proficient in toileting and dressing themselves.
Choose clothing that facilitates self-management, such as elastic-waist trousers, to empower them to dress and undress independently.
Consider using training pants to allow the child to feel the wetness sensation, fostering awareness and discomfort when the diaper is wet. This encourages them to strive for dryness and control over longer periods, instilling a sense of accomplishment and self-reliance.
By providing the tools and opportunities for independence in toileting, we can support children in developing essential life skills and nurturing their emotional well-being.
What If They Wet Themselves?
It’s important to accept that accidents are a normal part of the learning process for children. While it’s natural for adults to feel frustrated, especially when cleaning up messes, staying calm and reassuring your child is key. Avoid making them feel ashamed and simply state the facts, such as “I see you are wet. Let’s go get some dry clothes.”
Assist your child if needed or if they are feeling overwhelmed. Empower them to decide on their next change of clothes, allowing them to maintain a sense of control over the situation. Let them change at their own pace, respecting their autonomy.
Parents should also learn to control their emotions and avoid making a big deal out of the situation. Remaining calm and supportive will help foster a positive attitude towards toileting and encourage your child’s confidence in the process.
Remember
It’s essential to remember that toilet training is a significant developmental milestone for your child. When considering the timing, it’s important to be mindful of other life changes that may cause emotional stress, such as the birth of a younger sibling, changes in family relationships like a divorce, or upheavals in daily life such as moving house.
These transitions can already be emotionally challenging for a child, so introducing toilet training during such times may add unnecessary stress. It’s best to wait for a more stable and calm period to begin the process. By prioritizing the child’s emotional well-being and choosing an appropriate time, we can set them up for success in their toilet training journey.
I have two daughters who went through the same toilet training process, but their personality plays a part in each of their accomplishments. My first daughter who is now 16 years old has a more reserved personality. She was toilet trained and independent at the age of 4 but she would not express her need to use the toilet in school or outside. There were many occasions when she came home with a wet pair of culottes. We even had to provide her with XXL diapers for outings and naps at 6 years old. Her teachers would continue to bring her to the toilet along with her friends who were able to express their needs to use the toilet. Eventually, towards her last few months in Kindergarten 2, she started to open up and was more confident to express her need to use the toilet. My younger daughter has a very different personality from her elder sister. She has a more outgoing personality and expresses her thoughts and feelings more openly. Her toilet training process was much smoother and quicker and was able to be diaper-free by the age of 3.
Nora, Teacher and Parent at House on the Hill
Toilet Training in School
Discuss with your child’s class teacher about your plan in toilet training your child that you plan to start with your child at home. This will give the teacher a heads up for any behavioural changes and adjust her timing during lessons to accommodate the frequency for toileting training. The teacher can support the child’s toilet training by reading some books related to it. (Potty by Leslie Patrice, No More Nappies by Camphell Books, A Potty for Me by Karen Katz, I want my potty by Tony Ross) The teacher may also share the books that she has read in school with you, so that you can also read to your child as a bedtime story or during any other time in the day.
Do expect a different outcome when in school during the initial stages. In your child’s home environment, he/she may initiate the use of toilet more openly and confidently with you at home. As compared to the classroom settings, your child may tend to be overly focused on the play or work activities and they tend to forget to express the need to use the toilet during the initial stages. Hence, be prepared to have a ready stock of toilet training pants for your child’s use at school, so that he/she can continue to have more practice to eventually wean off the use of these toilet training pants confidently.
Toilet training is not troublesome; it is easy when your child is ready!